I Love You Miami Pt 2

So last time  I ended off by me telling you guys how much I loooovvvvve Miami. I also told you about my great Cuban experience at Little Havana, and how I was so inappropriately dressed at a soul food restaurant. If you missed it, it's never too late to go back and read it! 

So here's Pt. 2. A little more about South Beach. It is gorgeous, but Jesus is it expensive! If you're looking for a budget vacay, please go ahead and delete South Beach from your list. 

Views from my hotel.

Views from my hotel.

The Boardwalk.

The Boardwalk.

I was talking to a dear friend of mine before I left to go, and he told me that he's just gonna give me one piece of advice. He said "If you want to drink and get a nice little buzz, do it before 4pm! They mix their drinks strong, and you will actually be able to afford a drink before 4pm. If you however miss happy hour, abort mission and just go to your bed. You cannot afford it!" Now I could not stop laughing. Surely he couldn't be serious. Well... surely he was correct! Just a tip: if you miss happy hour, you might need to take a mortgage out on drinks! I am definitely not cheap, but as a Canadian the exchange rate is brutal. I ordered a regular rum and coke, which is $15 US dollars. Then they are kind enough to add 18% tip to the bill. So that $15, is now $23 Canadian dollars!!

This meal cost me $45 Canadian dollars. It's tacos and a mango daiquiri. $45!!!!!

This meal cost me $45 Canadian dollars. It's tacos and a mango daiquiri. $45!!!!!

So yes, your best bet is to catch happy hour when they have 1/2 priced drinks. It makes it a lot more reasonable. And you'll need to stay hydrated because it was hot! Of course the weekend that I was there, they were having record breaking heat. It was a different kind of hot. Not tropical hot. It was a 'I want to melt your skin off your body' kind of heat.

Why? What kind of heat is that, that burns your hands?????

Why? What kind of heat is that, that burns your hands?????

In all of my travels, I have never...ever ever ever had my hands peel! Like no one just lays out their hands to be tanned. That's the kinda sun that was in Miami. I kind of understand now why most women wear the bare minimum there. It is way too hot to have clothes touching your skin. And speaking of bare minimums, I wish someone had told me that the normal beach wear in Miami were thongs! I don't know about where you all are from, but if I'm on vacay with my friends and we see someone wearing thongs, we're nudging each other to point her out, cause in my book she's brave! But Miami, thongs are the norm! Quite frankly, if you were wearing a full back panty swimsuit (like I was), you might have gotten the odd stares. Now, I'm sure most of you have seen my last post about my swimwear, so you all know that I'm not out here on the beach looking like someone's Grandma, however it would have been nice if a girl new that less is more! Not that I'm saying I'd actually wear a thong. I don't feel like I was that blessed in the booty department to pull it off. Trust me, if I was, I probably wouldn't have any female friends. Y'all would hate me. I'd probably wear thongs with no pants to my corporate job.  I think God knew what he was doing! I have one girlfriend (who is quite blessed in the derriere region) always threatening to wear a thong on the beach with me on vacation. I refused. She told me I was being a hater ( I totally was, and proud thank you very much!) So she never wore it. One trip, we were together in St Marten. We visited a nude beach. The way I see it, when in Rome, do as the Romans do right? I decided to only go topless. I didn't want the beach to totally erupt in applause if I went totally nude. Ha! So I knew my girlfriend would have no part in walking with me while I went topless, as I had no part in walking next to her in a thong. So I thought I was slick and waited for her to walk towards the water first, and when her back was turned I ripped off my top and followed behind her. She turned around in horror (no literally, you should have seen her face!) and made a U turn and went right back to where our beach towels were. Totally abandoned me!!!! She abandoned me worst than how Lebron James abandoned the Cavs to go play for Miami! Jerk!

Well....I really got off topic. Back to South Beach. I decided to do a tour while I was there. I figured that I'm in Florida, might as well go look for some gators. So I did a trip to the Everglades and took a speedboat out on the water to hunt for alligators. I saw a couple cute ones. None that I feared would eat me alive.

They feel they had to tell me this????????

They feel they had to tell me this????????

Not to be picky or anything, but the Everglades did not compare to the alligators in the bayou's of New Orleans. Now those alligators almost jumped into the boat! If I'm paying money, those gators need to give me my monies worth!

See! Like i'm sayin.... These gators in New Orleans put on a show! I got my monies worth!

See! Like i'm sayin.... These gators in New Orleans put on a show! I got my monies worth!

This guy is a gator hunter. My question is, how did he practice this trick? Who decides one day to put their head and hands in a gators mouth???

This guy is a gator hunter. My question is, how did he practice this trick? Who decides one day to put their head and hands in a gators mouth???

But being the fearless badass that I am........BAM!

I'm such a badass!!!! lol

I'm such a badass!!!! lol

Yes, that is correct, I'm holding a baby alligator. He's an albino. Man, his skin was soooooo soft. I immediately wanted some new leather shoes! Ha! Just kidding! (Please don't send PETA my way!)

That night I was starving. After I got back from the Everglades and had a little beach time, it totally knocked me out. It wasn't until about 10pm that I opened my eyes, and decided I needed food ASAP. I had no idea about food spots around, so I grabbed a map from the front desk and decided to venture out. Do you guys ever do that on vacay? Just grab a map and explore?

Now as a disclaimer, I wouldn't suggest making it obvious that you're looking at a map. Especially at a place that you're not familiar with, at night as a solo traveller. Just be smart about it.

So I wondered upon a pizza joint. At this point, my wallet was thanking me for only buying pizza! Listen, they put the slice of pizza in a medium size pizza box and it barely fit!!!! Who eats this in one sitting???? I ordered it with wings and couldn't even make a dent in it. However it totally hit the spot for breakfast in the morning!! #winning

#SizeDoesMatter Why yes, yes it does!

#SizeDoesMatter Why yes, yes it does!

In closing, I just want to say for the record; I think it's ignorant to only speak one language and expect when you travel, that everyone should understand your language.  So after my last trip to Costa Rica, I decided that I was going to take Spanish lessons.  I downloaded an app and practiced every night for months. I was actually 9% bilingual in Spanish. So surely when I arrived in Miami (that has a huge Cuban population) I would be able to understand what they were saying..... NOPE!!!!! Although the app was free, I need a refund!!! Good Lord! I had to ask them to repeat themselves 3-4 times!!! What a waste of my 30 minutes every night. The only word I caught when they spoke was 'Miami'.. and that's English.. sooooooo lol

I would absolutely return to Miami. There's a few places that I didn't get a chance to check out that I really wanted to. Next time, girls trip! This is definitely one of those spots that you'll have a blast with your crew.

Things You Should Know:

-I've been back for 2 weeks and my skin is still peeling.

-King of Diamonds was definitely on my bucket list, but the way that my bank account was set up...lol It didn't happen.

-If you are going to read a map and wonder, please do not be directionally (is that a word??) challenged like I am. If my instinct tells me to go left, I better go right because my directional instinct is always wrong!! UUgghhhhh! I don't know how I survive!

-I searched hi and low for the outdoor gym on the Boardwalk. I heard it's a must see in South Beach. I asked my uber to let me out at 5th and Ocean and asked if my hotel was far away. He said it was about a 10 minute walk. 10 minutes my ass! I almost got heat stroke walking back. It took me almost an hour. But luckily I did get to see the muscle men working out at the legendary outdoor gym!